Sorry it's been a while.

I have not written anything in quite a while and I apologize. I will try to keep up. For those who know us and our situation with our foster children know that we experienced a loss after Christmas. One of our kids was removed and placed with a friend of the birth family. This is the second child that we have lost. Here is the thing. Our case worker says," Well you knew that was a possibility you should not let yourselves get so attached. " WHAT? You have got to be kidding me. Here is a baby, live with it for four months, feed it, keep it clean, give it a bed and warm clothes, stay up all night long with it soothing it when it cries, make it a part of your family, but DO NOT FALL IN LOVE WITH IT! DO NOT LOVE IT LIKE A SON. I am sorry that is impossible. I feel like because I am a foster parent people see me as someone who should not have a problem with a child leaving. That is your job. It is what you do. Your are a FOSTER parent. If a parent gives birth to a child and that child lives for four months and then dies, the whole family is devastated. They grieve the loss of that child. That is what you expect. A mother and a father that will never have that son or daughter again should be devastated. Their family understands, their friends understand, even their job understands. However, when we lost both of our boys to family placements I did not lose foster children I lost sons. Instead of grieving I had to, shove it all inside, get up ,and go to work the next day. It has taken a while for me to get to my breaking point and I have. That is why I have not written. I did not have anything to say to anyone but now I do. I love those two boys, I hurt for those two boys, I experience loss for those two boys, I have and continue to weep for those boys. They are my sons. Jay Jay and Gabe I Love you.